Recently I had to write a paper for a Communications class, in which displays the process to view conflict. In doing so we had to pull s narrative from our personal lives and break it down into the steps in the cycle. I choose to cover a story that both haunts and comforts me to this day. I hope you enjoy it as well, and if nothing else well you learned the process in which conflict is viewed. haha
Prelude. For the first time, that I can remember, is a series of times following times, I managed to disappoint my grandparents. Now normally, in most families this wouldn’t be such catastrophic event, but for me it was cataclysmic. See my grandparents, my mother’s parents, raised me for most of my life. Several reason to why; but mainly due to my dad not being around and my mother not being the most stable parent. My grandparents were very active Christians (Monotheistic Apostolic Pentecostals) and with my grandfather being a minister; he had raised me to follow in his footsteps. For the most part I wanted to as he had done or so I thought that is what I wanted. Then on came high school graduation and the choice of what I was going to do after was coming even quicker.
Trigger. It was an ordinary dinner scene, my sister, mother, grandmother, grandfather, and of course I was there, all eating after grace was said. The topic was quiet the same as well, what is Adam going to do first? Now before you think I am this poor kid with no options, don’t worry I had three; (1) Work on receiving my Pastoral license, (2) go to Valparaiso University and study Theology, or (3) do both at the same time. When the question arose, I felt it as good of time as any to tell them all what I really wanted to do. They asked if all was in line, and had I picked what I was to do first? And my response came to their surprise as yes, yes it is.
Initiation. My response was not what they expected to follow the yes. My answer was; I will be studying Political Science with a legal concentration. I remember I said it so fast that the question from my grandfather was; what? This was due to the to him not understanding me and not his clear and utter shock that was to come later.
Differentiation. Once I repeated it the conversation took a turn towards pure disbelief, and didn’t get any better. Now don’t get me wrong I had some of the greatest grandparents in the world, I was sincerely blessed. Moreover it wasn’t them trying to rule my life, as much as it was simply the notion everyone felt God had a called me for and Lawyering wasn’t it. The usual response came, “You will study what God wants you to” and then mine “and how might you all know what god wants” I tried to explain why this change and where it all came from but it was no use, for it was falling on deaf ears.
Resolution. The end to this story is more of an unexpected but moreover understood resolution. My grandfather died about four months after this skirmish, and I am not saying he took this to the grave; but I do believe it cut him to the core. It may have even took him those four months to completely be at peace with it. However it took me a lot longer to come to rest with the notion I had made him happy with my final decision. After his death I sprinted off to the Marines, did the Marine thing, and it wasn’t until a little conversation with my grandmother right at the end of my four year enlistment where I found out his (my grandfathers) true feelings. She told me in a letter “Hunny I just wanted to finish this letter in saying I know you have wrestled with your demons all throughout your short life, and have thought for quite some time now you Granddad died disappointed in you for not perusing his goals for your life. But I want to tell you of a conversation him and I had a few nights before his untimely death. He told me that he had found more respect for you in coming out and telling us of your goals, than he would have if you just followed along never actually having the desire of what you were studying for. He said it took him a bit of time to see it but that was the day you became a man in his eyes. If he could take back that dinner and the conversation that he would. He found the relationship that you both shared prior to the conversation and the unchanged one that continued after was a testament to the love of father and son you all shared. He also told me that if the law thing was where you wanted to go then he was sure God would use you there and see you through. Adam given all you have done since, military service, raising two boys, I can say without any doubt in my heart you have made me proud and him extremely proud and I am sure on the streets of heaven he brags about you every day. I can hear him now saying “that’s my son Adam, he’s going to go to Law School, and oh did I mention he was a Marine!””
After reading this a few months later I declared a minor in Theology at Valparaiso University and a few short months after that made it my second major.
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